This is a story from another place and time in my life.
I am in Gulu this week for a few days. Hoping for a break from the stuff going on at home and to try to find some housing near a birth center I have been looking in to.
My morning was spent trying to get a seal for the truck because the transmission is going out. Not an easy task in Africa but because of all the UN here there is a Toyota dealership here in Gulu Uganda of all places. Thank you God.
After I went back to the hotel to pick up the kids who had not had much to eat because I had been out and take them for food. I had seen a small coffee shop when I was out so we went there. I was dreaming of coffee and they had good food.
As usual a battle ensues for our family again. Everything here in Africa takes for ever so the food took to long and the children melted. Our landlady called to scream that we have stolen her cement. Alex can’t speak English so I tried to make phone calls to get Alex to give her the cement. And all most in tears from little ones melting down, a broken car, no food and the landlady. I walk up and just want to pay for the food and leave. I don’t even want the food because we have to go by BodaBoda and only have so many hands with little ones. I tell them they can keep the food, or eat the food or even give it away I don’t care. I just want to leave before I cry.
An American woman sees me and all she says is how rude I am. Loud enough that everyone hears how rude I am being. Do I care? I’m not sure. I have been through this one before. Judged by small pieces of information and not the whole story. I wonder why she is here. If she has ever had a bad day, I mean a really bad day. I wonder about her life. I wonder if her God is the same as mine and she has managed better with less sin so she is more blesses with no bad days.
I wonder and pray. God did you send her to point out my faults or is she part of the war I am fighting here. Is she raising an Autistic child in Africa? Is she doing it alone for months wile her husband is at work in another African country? Has she never experienced the way the people here think all the White people are so rich we have to pay more for everything? God please help me understand how to be so perfect as her. To never have a bad day, to be a more perfect mother to my children, a better wife and a more perfect example of what you want me to be to these people.
And God if you can’t do all that maybe you can just make me in to the person you want me to be. Send your spirit to raise me up when my heart is breaking. Dry my tears, and let me feel your love. And Lord help me forgive her for judging me and forgive me for my anger to her. Lord we are still here and we are staying. Can you build a wall around us for a few days? I am getting tired God. I want to go home. God send help and build a wall.
Direct from Uganda
