Welcome to Five Minute Friday
Today’s writing prompt is: Broken
Ok so I know the idea is not to write an intro to the five minute Friday post but I can not help but give a bit of background on this one. I read a post over on Overflow that hit home for me. The words cut deep and opened up an old wound.
“I just erased that first sentence. Yes I did, but you’d never know. Editing is too easy here.
It’s easy to bottle up and hide and not try new things
For fear of over-displaying a lack of knowledge
Or style
Or artistry.
It’s easy to feel intimidated by the writing for the masses that is the internet.”
That leads me to my post. Broken.
I am broken. My heart in little pieces full of grief. As much as I want to share it even here I have fear of what will happen if I do. Fear that someone will see it that can not understand and who will pass judgement. Someone who is not as comfortable as I am with the place I am in. Someone close but not close enough to understand. It is not the masses that I fear it’s those close.
You see I want to sit with my brokenness and grief. It is a comfortable place to be right now. It is ok to feel pain once in a wile. And today my heart breaks as I long for home. A home that I only found on reaching adulthood. A home half a world away.
A home that is broken. More broken than the one I grew up in. One devastated by hunger and war. One where my family is.
I am afraid that those who read this will find me more broken than I feel I am. Question my judgement that I would have pain over Africa. That the boys that were my family could be so in my heart. That I could miss such a place so full of pain and death. That I long to go back and that I will one day.
I dream of a time when I am old and my kids have been raised. When I am alone. I will go back home and live my life out there. Until then…
Today I just want to go home.
Mountain Moma
STOP
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